What's A Girl To Do?

So the cake making was some serious fun BUT I didn't get to eat it all as intended. Humf. Family liked it almost as much as me so it was scoffed in under 2 hours. I think my cake making must be done in secret from now on. Last night was another quiet night in, not really too fussed about doing the big Weekend thing. I had a date with my bed and got lost in a book then had a long sleep. Have the same planned for tonight. Though, I did feel lonely all by myself it's a feeling I've come to live with I think. I don't want to be with anyone so it's not going to go away in a hurry, so best to just abide it. For the first time in a long time I feel like I don't actually have to be in a relationship to be happy. And my family are always around, even if they are irritating sometimes. As in they've noticed I've gotten a little "round", after all the comfort eating. So I've dug out my gym card with intent to use it this afternoon for a good hour.

I've decided to take up cake racing. I'm going to get a shit load of cake and see how fast it can get into my mouth.

I got myself one of those cake making kits in a box this afternoon. Triple chocolate. Going to have fun with that tomorrow evening. Make some mess, dance around a bit. Have cake I'm determined to erase a certain someone from my mind, for good. Living for me, having fun, thinking positive. I think I need a hobby, any suggestions?

So, as I said, my weekend sucked. I went out for the first time in ages, haven't really felt upto it before now. I've been a bit (alot) depressed since She finished it. Long story. Dragged myself out anyways, Friends were being really supportive and offering to buy drinks and everything so I thought why not, hey? Got there, had some drinks, started to smile, had a little dance. Then my phone went off, and it was Her. Good thing I was sitting down. She basically said she misses me, and I just sank. I miss her but she hurt me and I've spent so long convincing myself that I'm stronger without her that to give in now would be like betraying myself. So I ignored it. Downed another (three) drinks and watched everyone dancing, thinking to myself that maybe there's someone in the crowd for me and we'll meet fatefully that night and be together forever. Calmed myself with that thought and was about to head to the dance floor when my phone went off again. Her again. More I Miss Yous and some Let's Try Again. She seemed geniune, honestly I don't think I've ever heard her be so honest with the things she said, so I started wondering. I could feel myself giving in to her and it scared me so I ignored it and shot into the crowd and danced with the first cutey I saw. Went well, things got close which amazed me cause like.. I'm not cute but hey. But all I could think was that I wished it was Her and when she texted me again saying Please, I Love You... I went towards the exit with intent to call her. So I'm walking away thinking of how different it could be if she really meant everything, how I wouldn't have to be alone anymore and I'd be back in her arms. I spotted Her sat on a sofa near the door, with her arrogant friends. Laughing. Looking at her phone and laughing, and I knew that laugh. It's the I'm Fucking With Someone laugh. They all do it. Then my phone went off again, so I hid and read the text. "I'm all alone. I really want to see you. I miss you". And they were still laughing. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't take it too well, I must've ended up at the bar again. Somehow ended up with Friends in the park throwing up on my shoes, which I'm still upset about cause they were my favourite Pity Myself buy.

So. Sunday was spent in PJs, with too much ben & jerrys and watching TV not really knowing what was on. I feel a bit pathetic really. What I hate the most is I still miss her.

How was everyone's weekend? Mine sucked Oh well, more about it later.

I have a busy weekend ahead of me so I might not be around much. Apologies seeing as I only really just got here. I'll make up for it on monday. Have a good weekend people!

Something that brought amusement to my day.

I have no friends here. Well I suppose I should write something and maybe people will find me? Is there anyone out there? I'm new to this blogging thing. I don't know what to say really, I guess I'll introduce myself. Hi, I'm Lotty, and I'm a tea-o-holic. I adore tea. I'm 21, feeling older and younger at the same time. I like all sorts of things.. music, films and all things chocolate. I like girls but I'm single at the moment and like it that way. Had enough of relationship dramatics. Indefinitely. Maybe. I get lonely. I think about cake on a daily basis, I often dream about muffins. Double chocolate chip muffins, actually. I've run out of things to say.